


Lawyering up

by SrebrnaFH



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: New York Vigilantes, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, One Shot, Peter Parker has a lawyer, Peter Parker is a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:14:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24001921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SrebrnaFH/pseuds/SrebrnaFH
Summary: What if, when Tony Stark came to recruit Spider-man, the boy was already under someone's care? And had a certain lawyer duo on speed-dial?
Relationships: Franklin "Foggy" Nelson & Peter Parker
Comments: 27
Kudos: 186





	Lawyering up

**Author's Note:**

> Because I think that the moment Spidey appeared on the streets, NY Vigilantes went "oooh, he's so cute" and took him under their collective wing. Including drumming some reason into the teenage head.  
> And I believe they'd have Things To Say about the Accords.

"Do you have a passport?"

"I don't even have a driving licence—" the kid frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I need you to go with me to Germany."

"I can't— I mean—"

"Oh, don't tell me you have homework or something. Anyway, you can do it on the plane."

Parker scrunched his nose.

"No, no. I mean, I have homework, but that's not it."

"So what _is_ it then?"

"I need to call my lawyer and ask him—"

"You have a _lawyer_?"

Kid's eyes were huge and round.

"All of us do, OK? That's like, 101 of being a vigilante in this city."

He sat down on a narrow bed.

"What the hell?"

"Foggy Nelson and Matt Murdock. They represent all the vigilantes, handle court cases, insurance policies and so on. I'm pretty sure I'm insured only for New York so, kind of, unless 'Germany' is a neighbourhood in the city, I'm not going. Liability and all that shit."

"Y-you won't go?"

Kid rolled his eyes and keyed something on his phone.

"—yeah, Foggy, a little question. That insurance you guys are paying for me, does it cover Germany? OK. Thank you, that's what I wanted to hear. Hah. Ah—" kid glanced at him and suddenly he felt like the world had gone off-axis. Smartarse fourteen year olds were calling their lawyers like it was the most obvious thing in the world...! "Actually, it's Tony Stark. Yeah. Sure. Here," he found himself faced with a slightly cracked mobile. "Foggy wants to talk to you."

He took the offered phone gingerly.

"Stark."

"Nelson here, Mister Stark. The thing is, if you take our baby boy out of the country for any reason whatsoever, the firm will come after you so quickly you will not even hear it in that suit of your. Is this clear?"

"I don't think you know what you are talking about..."

"I know perfectly well. Nelson and Murdock, attorneys. Representing the New York vigilantes and street-level superheroes, amongst other things. So you touch a hair on that boy's head and you won't know what hit you. Or, well, you'll know, because it will be all of us."

Tony sighed.

"OK, OK. I'll leave the SpiderKid alone—" "Spider-Man!" "—kid, seriously. But, maybe you know someone who is grown-up, powered and willing to take the job?"

"DD is insured for overseas work, and so is Jess," Nelson informed him indifferently. "But what is this about? I'd rather not get someone sent into an active war zone or something."

"It's about the Accords—"

"Whoo, boy. We are not touching this - unless you count putting a copy of that on fire ceremonially in our backyard. You want to talk about Accords with anyone on the street, you better prepare yourself for a serving of a knuckle sandwich. _Nobody_ here wants that to become— Ah, you are one of the signers. Well, I'm not sorry to say, Mister Stark, but I've just advised Mister Parker not to join anything that requires him to leave town with you. No client of ours is getting mixed with this Accord crap."

"Accords aren't _crap_ ," he grated out, tiredly. "They are meant—"

"To limit the freedom of enhanced people, up to and including registration and full name and details disclosure to the government. Which, as we all know, is the safest and most secure institution known and would never leak such details to anyone who could turn them against the people on the list."

"It isn't supposed to happen. I will ensure—"

"Until you can ensure that the lovely woman in the living room of the flat you are in right now is perfectly, absolutely and completely safe from danger posed by all the criminals the kid helped put away, you aren't ensuring anything. If his details get leaked, he is at risk, Mrs Parker is at risk and his schoolmates are at risk."

"I will be providing security for the data storage."

"That's not exactly an encouragement, Mr 'I am Iron Man'. Who knows what will be the next crazy thing Stark will do...?"

_Shit._

"OK, I'm getting it. You are personally against the Accords, your friends are against the Accords, you don't want the kid to leave with me. Fine. Yeah. I'll work it out, somehow—"

"Or you can drop by our office — the kid will show you the way — and you talk to Matt. Matt will tell you, in details, why Accords are a stupid-ass attempt at regulation and what should be put in them not to annoy even more Supers."

"This is not about annoying, this is about responsibility—"

"And taking a highschooler to a fight abroad is an example of responsibility? Come on, Mister Stark. There is something else there, and you need to hash it out with someone who has actually studied law. Take the kid, bring him to the office. Matt anyway needs him to sign some paperwork, so we'll kill two birds with one stone. We can sit down together and talk about the Accords. Give us two hours of your precious time. We will even make it free on our side. Pro publico bono."

"Pro publico bono, seriously?"

"To make sure the Accords don't fuck up that shit for all of us."

"All of _us_?"

"Human beings, Stark. Human beings. Now, you coming or not?"

He glanced at the kid sitting at the desk.

A kid.

Just a schoolkid who wanted to strip a DVD player apart and do something interesting with it.

_Shit._

That was messed up. He had messed up.

"OK, Mr Nelson. We'll be there, well, depending on the traffic."

"We'll put some coffee on."

"I'll buy some on the way."

"Sure, if you are paying, I take mine as black as a billionaire's soul."

"Pro publico bono, Mr Nelson."

"The kid takes chocolate. Don't let him talk you into buying him coffee, or you will be responsible for watching him until the hyperactivity winds down."

"Noted. Any other requests?"

"Bring a copy of the Accords and a red marker. You will be taking a lot of notes today, Mister Stark."

A small cough.

He looked up, straight into the wide-eyed, innocent-smiling face of Peter Parker, who was handing him a fat red felt-tip pen.

"Yeah, I think I can do _that_ , Mister Nelson."

"And a second one that we can set on fire."


End file.
